Sweet Relief

What a week it has been!  I found a lump (technically, I’m told, it’s a mass not lump), went to the doctor so she could tell me it was nothing (only she didn’t), was instead sent for a mammogram (the thought of which was terrifying) that turned into 3 mammograms, which then led to an ultrasound because the 3 squeeze sessions weren’t sufficient, and from there went to see a “breast specialist” (who was absolutely wonderful) to be told that everything on the images looked fine and a biopsy was not needed at this point, and she would re-check everything in 3 months – WOOHOOO!!!!!!!  Okay, so that’s like the LONGEST sentence in history!  Well, that may be an exaggeration (totally unlike me, right?) but it’s probably the longest in MY history!  Anyhoo, the emotional roller coaster of the past week has left me exhausted and more than a tad bit emotional.  Maybe  it’s because I’m so overcome with relief?  Or maybe because my nonchalant approach to the whole thing tells me that I’m more than a little bit detached from reality?  I mean, the entire experience felt like a dream.  One that came and went, and it felt like it could have been real, but I know that it wasn’t.  Geez, I sound a little flaky don’t I?  Hmmm . . . oh well.  I would imagine that you’re thinking “this woman sure does see a lot of doctors” since I’m 2 for 2 on medical office blog stories, but I promise I don’t spend hours and hours at the doctor!  Really!  Scout’s honor!  I’m not a scout, so maybe photographer’s honor!?!?  And actually, there is a bit of humor in all of this lump scare madness!  Naturally, it involves the other people in the Woman’s Hospital Breast Center.  In the waiting room for the mammogram and ultrasound, I was one of 5 women smocked from the waist up awaiting the inevitable clamping machine, and amazingly, I was the only one of the 5 who never uttered a word!  (That’s totally true – no way I could make up something so unbelievable) I think it’s the first time in my life that I’ve been scared wordless!  I wouldn’t have even felt like I was there except for remembering that I rolled my eyes behind my magazine as two of the ladies divulged their entire life histories to the rest of the room!  Even to the point of discovering that their initial exam had taken place on the same day at the same testing center!  I almost laughed out loud when they theorized that the machine must have malfunctioned since they both had been called into the hospital for re-testing because something had shown up on the original scans.  Surely, that wasn’t all coincidence!  (Please read in your best shocking conspiracy theory voice)  Yeah, and oddly enough, the two ladies (who carried on like they had known each other for years) had never met before this day.  As a matter of fact, when the first of the two was called to the back, she turned around before leaving and introduced herself to the other – it was quite comical.  I glanced at the other faces in the room and could tell I wasn’t the only one amused.  The hilarity of it all may be lost in my re-telling, but seriously these women talked like they were in side-by-side chairs at the beauty salon rather than in the breast center because something suspicious was found on their previous mammogram!  OMG people wake up!!!!!!  Sigh . . . deep breath . . . Oh, did I forget to mention that there was a 16 year old boy in the waiting room?  Yes, isn’t that interesting!  Even more so considering that Chatty and Cathy talked incessantly about breasts and lumps and gynecologists and “other” exams pertaining to similar things.  The poor kid kept giving his mother a look that screamed “I swear I’ll never desire to see a naked woman for the rest of my life if you’ll just get me out of here!!!!!” But she was apparently oblivious to how uncomfortable it was for him because she only encouraged the hens by throwing in her own stories and encounters of her womanhood – much to the delight of her son I’m sure!  (And just for those of you as curious as I usually am, the boy was there for an ultrasound to check for appendicitis)  Poor guy – he’ll probably never mention a symptom again in fear of having to return to “that place”.  Wow, when I go back and read what I’ve written, the post isn’t nearly as entertaining as I remember it happening . . . I must apologize for the lame-o story – I promise more interesting material for the next one!  Pinky promise!!!!  Oooooh, but I will leave you with this little jewel – today, after returning to my office from the booby doctor (and after crying in my truck for about 20 minutes before going into the building – I told you I’m emotional people!!!!), I was dying for something chocolate!  Dying may seem a little harsh, but for anyone craving chocolate after a cry-fest, I’m sure you understand.  It seemed like an easy problem to remedy, except that I was out of change for the vending machine.  Saddest story ever, right?  After I combined my 1 nickel with two quarters from Mindy, a quarter from Neal, and a dime from Christy (gotta love sweet co-workers who pool their resources for ya!) I was off to the break room for my “therapy”.  I put the money into the machine, pressed the numbers that would deliver the drool-worthy Reese’s cups, and . . . . yep you guessed it – it got stuck . . .   A nice gentlemen passing by tried rocking the machine (if you are the vending machine police, then I retract the previous statement about the rocking) to knock my treasure free but it didn’t budge.  This was the way my day was supposed to end . . . puffy eyes, runny nose, sore ta-tas and no chocolate . . . . Sigh . . . . (that wasn’t enough) . . . Double Sigh . . . . . If you happen to free a Reese’s cup stuck helplessly in a vending machine, pass it please . . . . pretty please . . . . this chocolate junkie would love to have it!

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Published in: on June 2, 2011 at 9:17 pm  Comments (2)  

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  1. I found a lump in my breast Right after graduating nursing school. Perfect timing right!? I was all hoped up on way too much medical information to be calm. I went for an ultrasound too, and although I found no humor as you did. After looking over my images the radiologist did find it funny to greet me with a, “well you won’t die today” remark. He laughed, I stared. It was awesome (insert sarcasm here)

  2. People in doctor’s waiting rooms will talk about anything LOUDLY – the more obnxious, the louder it is!! You may have read a post about my oncologist’s waiting room. Glad everything is ok. I completely understand about being “removed from the situation”. That’s precisely how I dealt with cancer. And now I try not to think about it all – kind of like childbirth!


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