The Art of Losing

There are few things in life that I dislike more than losing.  In fact, confrontation and dead-beat dads are the only things I can think of that can turn my world upside down faster.  When my lovely family of neighbors brought up the idea of a fantasy football league, I thought it sounded like a glorious idea.  (glorious is my favorite word right now – I’ve used it at least 20 time this weekend)  A healthy rivalry each week, Sundays surrounded by cool friends and great food, a little good-natured trash talk . . . I never EVER factored losing (and the inner-turmoil it would bring) into the equation.  And I must throw in a little horn-blowing here to say that I managed to survive the first four weeks without having to deal with it!  But here we are . . . week five . . . my first loss . . .  sigh . . . Until now, I actually believed that I hid my uber-competitiveness quite well.  At least that was until everyone at the Sunday football gathering kept asking me what was wrong and why I was so quiet and forlorn.  Yep.  My secret was out.  Friendly, out-going, bubbly Mel is a sore loser.  That’s not even a strong enough word for it.  I am a SOUR, BITTER, PRIDEFUL, IMPLACABLE LOSER!!!!!!  As a matter of fact, I haven’t even officially lost my match-up yet.  It’s Sunday night as I’m typing this and I still have players in a game. Yet here I am, writing my thoughts here because I feel like I will explode if I don’t tell someone all about it!  At least now we all know what it takes to pull me out of my writer’s block slump!  In light of how amused everyone has been by the revelation of my kryptonite, I thought it would be fitting to point out some other things that might surprise you about me.  Until now, you probably thought I was perfect and all roses.  I know I did.  Don’t act surprised by my ego – I write a blog.  All of the posts are about me. You have to have a pretty high opinion of yourself to be able to write 2,000+ words about your life. (I prefer to think of it as a healthy self-esteem, but I’m sure there are others that would view it differently)  In an effort to thwart the legacy of awesomeness that I leave behind with each post (I mean, come on, you know that’s why you’re still reading), I’ve been thinking of all of my little quirks that most people don’t know about. I’ve chosen to compile a list to bring to light the “real me” so that you all might not be shocked when glimpses of my true self shine through.

*Disclaimer: I like lists. Lists like me. I have a list for everything. My obsession with lists is on this list.

1.  I hate to lose.  At anything!

2.  I am incapable of mixing my large and small paper clips together.  Someone once linked all of my paper clips together alternating large and small.  I almost had to take the rest of the day off of work.  She’s probably reading this.  She knows who she is.  I hope she’s scared now that she’s realized I haven’t forgotten what she did.

3.  I throw away broken rows of staples.  Whole rows allowed only.  I know that this is wasteful.  I don’t care.

4.  When I watch TV or hold a conversation, I type the words being spoken in my head.  If you’ve ever talked to me, I typed what we were saying.  Kinda creepy isn’t it?  I used to move my fingers as I did it.  I’ve come a long way.

5.  I hate when people wear an outfit that purposely shows their bra straps.  It’s one thing for it to show unknowingly and accidentally – displaying it intentionally is something entirely different.  If you’ve done this and I’ve seen you whilst wearing such garb, I’ve talked about you.  I make no apologies – this is my list.

6.  I make a lot of lists.  If I searched my purse right now, I’d likely find more than ten on-hand.  There are at least fifteen more in my dayplanner.

7.  I always think I’m right.  Even after being proven wrong, I rarely can bring myself to admit it.  This is usually followed by a great deal of sulking.

8.  I’m pulp-a-phobic.  The thought alone of pulp coming into contact with my tongue makes me gag violently.  I always order water at a restaurant with an emphatic “no lemon on my glass”.  I have been known to send such a fruit-adorned beverage container back with the waiter.  It embarrasses my family.  I’ve decided to start telling people that I’m allergic just so it seems like a justified act.

9.  I don’t take criticism well.  Not even the kind constructive in nature.  I always think I do everything perfectly.

10.  I still give a crap about my biological father.  This infuriates me – he doesn’t deserve to be thought about by someone as awesome as myself.

11.  If I awake during the night for any reason, I can’t fall back to sleep until I check to see that my husband and both children are still breathing.  Yes, I am well aware that the threat of SIDS ends around age 1, and that if carbon monoxide was present, I wouldn’t be breathing either.  These factors don’t console me – I must check.

12.  I hate to lose.  At anything!  (It’s worth mentioning twice)

I must add that I am currently tied in my week 5 fantasy football match-up.  It is actually plausible that I will win.  I felt it necessary to post this rant anyway.  You should all know who you’re dealing with.  I hope you’re happy to know how incredibly human I am – if you should allow me to remain on the pedestal that I’m sure I have been placed, I would be most grateful.  I didn’t get this way on my own.  It’s taken many years of being told how great I am to get me here.  Yes ma’am, lots of praise and chocolate.  Speaking of chocolate, you needn’t pass any today – I’ve consumed enough during my “loss potential stress eating” to last me a while.  Who am I kidding?  Pass it anyway people!

*Update 10/10/11 4:19p.m. – My week 5 match-up ended in a tie.  I have spent all day trying to figure out if this makes me happier than losing?  I’m still pretty unsure about it.  I guess that if the end I can stay ranked as #1 for another week, I will be okay with it.  If not, then I guess you will be hearing from me again tomorrow!

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Published in: on October 9, 2011 at 10:32 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You are awesome! I am so glad to hear what goes on in your head……it makes me feel more normal. I live lists too!

  2. Thanks honey! If writing out how nutty I feel most of the time can help others, then it’s all worth it! XOXO


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