Ben, Jerry and lemons, oh my!!!

My fantasy football loss crisis may have been averted last week by ending in a tie, but my luck ran out BIG TIME this week!!!  Not only did I *swallows hard* lose, but I lost by 40 points . . . yes 40 . . . and not an innocent little 40 like 40 seconds or 40 millilitres, but a giant 40 like 40 extra pounds on your hips or 40 pimples on your face!  It was ugly.  But since most of you may not be able to relate to fantasy football, I feel the quite opposite is probably true of what I’m fixing to tell you about – stress eating.  (Please refer back to my “40 extra pounds” comment)  Here is a compiled list, in no certain order, of everything I consumed in the past 24 hours . . .

Spicy boiled peanuts, cracklings, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream, more spicy boiled peanuts, 3 Reese’s cups, a Mexican cheeseburger (this is two patties with cheese, jalapenos, and onions between them) dressed with all of the fixings, 32 oz. fountain coke, an iced caramel mocha from McDonald’s, 3 canned cokes, and a devil creme snack cake (which was my breakfast this morning) 

My body hates me right now.  I hate me right now.  But the sad thing is that it’s not because of all of the food I shoveled in – it’s because I LOOOOOOOST!!!!!!!!!!!!  Waaaaaah!!!!!!  I know you’re totally over hearing me cry about it, but you just don’t understand how bad it eats at me – I mean it was on my list twice in the last post people! 

But I digress . . .

The funniest part of this post actually has nothing to do with losing, or chocolate.  It has to do with lemons!  (Memory refresher – I’m repulsed by pulp.  Just typing the word made me gag a little)  On Saturday, I went to a Mexican restaurant for lunch, and my mother-in-law was met me there.  I arrived before she did and got us a table.  The waiter asks what I want to drink, and I give my standard reply, “Water, but no lemon on my glass please.  Or in my glass please.  Thank you.”  And I make sure to make stern eye contact when I say this so that he knows I mean business.  Waiter returns a minute later with a glass of water.  Lemon wedge on the rim.  Sigh . . . I’m sure you would agree that this would have been grounds for a huge scene in the middle of the restaurant, but I was a very good girl (had this been on loser Sunday, it probably wouldn’t have gone so smoothly) and just politely asked that he bring me another water without the lemon.  He was (luckily for him) very apologetic and concerned looking, and returned with a fresh glass sans lemon.  As he places my new drink, he looks at me with pity and says, “You’re allergic to lemon?”  Now, I know that I have thought many times to claim this ailment to save my family embarrassment, but I have never been able to pull the trigger.  You know the whole “claim to have an illness you don’t, and you’ll get plagued with something worse” karma.  But, I mean, he asked!  I simply replied, “something like that.”  He seemed totally satisfied with that response, but I was still worried that when I ordered my food, he would give me some crap like, “oh I think they use lemon pepper in that.”  Anyhoo, the whole exchange thus far was incredibly humorous in itself, but the hilarious part came after my mother-in-law met me.  When the nice little waiter took her drink order, she ordered an iced tea without lemon.  He returned – you guessed it- with a lemon on her glass.  When he realized his mistake (before he left the drink this time), he said, “Oh, you didn’t want lemon either, did you?  Are you allergic too?”  Very confused mother-in-law . . . blank stare . . . response, “No, I just don’t like them.”  I kept my eyes down the entire time and just let her be confused.  As I’m sure our waiter was.  I actually kept expecting him to come back during the meal and ask me if I really had a lemon allergy.  I’ve been feeling so guilty ever since that I’ve considered going back and making my confession to him.  But my self-assured conscience keeps telling me that I technically didn’t tell him I was allergic to lemons . . . guilt remains . . . sigh . . . I guess there are worse things . . . . like consuming a pint of ice cream in the same sitting as a mexican cheeseburger . . . double sigh . . .

Alas, it is a new week.  New healthier diet (minus the little debbie cake for breakfast), new fantasy football match-up, and a new positive outlook.  Okay, so maybe I don’t have the new outlook yet because I’m still miffed about losing, but it’s coming.  I can feel it.  Okay, so my new healthier diet has been postponed until tomorrow – pass the chocolate please!

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Published in: on October 17, 2011 at 10:23 am  Leave a Comment  

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