Momma Said There’ll Be Days Like This!

*Disclaimer:  This post begins with a trip to the doctor’s office – but, I promise it is not about a medical condition so bear with me. 

 I do not even know where to begin with this post.  The past 24 hours have pretty much been a train wreck.  In slow motion.  On repeat.  I like don’t even have any sarcastic words to describe it – shocker, I know!!  I guess I should start at the beginning. 

Yesterday morning, I woke up with an earache.  No big deal – this happens periodically, so I just make myself a doctor’s appointment for before I go into work and all is good.  Mr. Doctor says, “Oh, you have a double ear infection that looks like it’s been going on for a couple of weeks.  And it looks like you have something going on in your throat so I want to check you for strep too.”  Yep, sure enough, I have strep as well.  Faaaaaantastic!  Still not a big deal though – two shots in the keester later, I’m on my way to work still optimistic about my day.  All is well for the rest of the work day, and I’m feeling pretty positive as I leave the building that afternoon.  Oh wait, what’s that?  A crack in the concrete?  No biggy that I don’t see it and trip.  And fall.  On my knee.  And palm.  And who cares that my iPhone goes flying through the air landing screen down on the pavement, shattering it into oblivion.  Eh, who needs to see their screen anyway, right?!?!  So, Mr. AT&T customer service man, I have insurance on my iPhone and I need to replace it, how do I do that?  Oh, Ms. You Suck At Life Today, it’s sooooo easy.  Just call this number and give them the information and $199 and you they will send you a new phone next day!  Ooooohhhhh is that all???  Maybe I should get two then?  Er um how about you go ahead and cancel that rip off you call “insurance” and pleasure yourself while you’re at it.  (That was the nicest mean thing I could think of in my head – and maybe I toned it down for the sake of this blog post)  Anyhoo, begin google search for iPhone screen repair creeper in my area – check!

Moving on . . . as I am pulling in to my driveway at home, I notice some ominous black clouds in the near distance and think that if I hurry, I can get the grass cut before it rains.  Picture mad woman high on rage and endorphins push mowing at record speed, and that would be me.  As I am weed-eating the last bit of the yard alongside our driveway, I manage to overlook the ginormous hole that the builders left on the lot next to our driveway and step right into it.  Mud halfway up my shin, leg knee-deep in hole, no problem!  Oh, and did I mention that it had already started to rain?  So, here I am whacking blades of grass with my weapon machinery, in the rain, mud up my leg, and covered in sweat, waving to my friendly neighbors as they pass by on their way home from work.  And I must admit, despite the events of the day, I was still feeling pretty good about myself for getting the yard done in record time.  Success!!!!  Lawn looks great, leave muddy shoe by the door, go into the bathroom to wash off the mud and grass, look in mirror . . . yeah, the WHITE shirt and sports bra that I was wearing are completely see-through thanks to the down pour.  Which means I’ve been in my front yard for 30 minutes basically wearing wet gauze.  Stay classy Lakeside Estates.  And to the neighbors that I waved to as they passed – either you’re welcome or I’m sorry.  You can decide for yourself which applies.

Thank heavens that the rest of the night is without episode!  I crawl into my bed thankful that this day is over and tomorrow will start anew.  Yeah, not so much . . .

I wake this morning fully refreshed, but 10 minutes after I am supposed to BE at work.  Ensue frantic flat ironing and wardrobe selection!  Oh great, there’s traffic on I-12 – I am completely and utterly shocked!  (If you live in my area, you fully understand that this statement is completely facetious!)  Oh well, at least I have time to put on my make-up while I’m sitting.  Wait, what’s that?  Green eye shadow on one eye and purple on the other.  Oh yeah, that’s EXACTLY how I intended to put on my face today.  Remove left eye make-up, reapply.  Check!  With plenty of traffic time to spare, I finish applying my war paint and zip up the make-up bag sitting in my lap.  Wow, that’s amazing – in this natural light, my black pants look a lot like my navy blue pin-striped pants.  Hmmmm, boy would that be tragic to wear navy blue pants with the rest of my black color-schemed ensemble.  Uh yeah, that just happened. 

So here I sit.  Double ear infection, strep throat, sore butt cheeks, bruised knee, cracked iPhone, no dignity, jacked-up make-up, and navy blue pants.  You are so jealous right now aren’t you?  Well please compose yourself and pass the $*&@!%ing chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Published in: on May 24, 2012 at 9:11 am  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. priceless!

  2. If it makes you feel any better…I sit in that traffic and I put my make up on in the traffic bc it’s 30 minutes of sitting right! and I keep eye make up remover in my make up bag just because it sometimes doesn’t turn out like it would if i was at home! And,I have gone to work before with one blue shoe on and one black shoe! Good news is…there’s always tomorrow…that sounded like a terrible friday the 13th story!


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